This System Gave Me a 0% Chance of Survival

In most stories, the System is a guide to herohood. Ahmed's is a guide to creative ways to die. When Ahmed is violently relocated from his mundane life in Tunis to a brutal fantasy world, he gets the LitRPG dream... with a nightmarish twist. His all-powerful System isn't a helpful guide; it's his biggest hater. It doesn't track his stats—it calculates his "Dignity Damage." It doesn't grant him epic skills—it registers his panicked flailing as "Mud Style: Infinite Cowardice." Hounded by a colossal Nightmare Beast that's more offended by his existence than it is afraid of his power, Ahmed must survive with zero buffs and 100% sass from his divine companion. With only a hyper-competent cultivator for an ally—who is quickly learning that his chaos is more effective than her skill—Ahmed has to somehow turn his pathetic luck into a weapon. This isn't a power fantasy. It's a survival comedy about failing upwards, where the ultimate prize isn't immortality or fame—it's surviving long enough to prove the System wrong.